okay, so i'm cheating. i'm lifting from my writing from five years ago, when i was in so much pain and i felt hopeless and small. being in pain affects us all, being trapped is an undeniable hell. this is my second (millionth) chance in life.
i'd love to hear your thoughts.
these days of being trapped, inside my trap
i see the crisp blue sky and i feel the warmth
swirled on the tails of the cool autumnal breeze
when i open and shut the windows.
the dog's bark carries on longer than the summer's song.
i want to be out and busy.
i want to be not in here, debating my pain scale.
and the torment of sitting still, brings no pain at all.
and the surges of energy brings discomfort in my own skin.
i feel the faker because doing nothing at all, and i'm fine,
do anything, and i'm fighting the burn radiating from within
my own blanking spine. it betrays me. and i hate it.
and i cringe to see my writing about it.
i'm sick of thinking about it, feeling it, hearing about it.
sick of people asking about it, sick of treating it.
sick of it all. so i try to ignore it and do absolutely nothing.
nothing at all.
i see the crisp blue sky and i feel the warmth
swirled on the tails of the cool autumnal breeze
when i open and shut the windows.
the dog's bark carries on longer than the summer's song.
i want to be out and busy.
i want to be not in here, debating my pain scale.
and the torment of sitting still, brings no pain at all.
and the surges of energy brings discomfort in my own skin.
i feel the faker because doing nothing at all, and i'm fine,
do anything, and i'm fighting the burn radiating from within
my own blanking spine. it betrays me. and i hate it.
and i cringe to see my writing about it.
i'm sick of thinking about it, feeling it, hearing about it.
sick of people asking about it, sick of treating it.
sick of it all. so i try to ignore it and do absolutely nothing.
nothing at all.
So sad that you were dealing with all that pain on a daily basis :( Glad you have freedom to be up and going and that you know how to handle and care for yourself now. Thank God for doctors and meds but most importantly, you!
ReplyDeleteThe psychology of intense, chronic pain is ... painful, in an inexplicable way. For me, that was a while ago and, obviously, the respite came. Praying for you, Sis!
ReplyDelete